It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I wish I had a clever or even a valid excuse. But the truth is I was just too lazy. And I felt like I didn’t have any inspiration to write. But now, as the year 2019 has ended I feel like it’s a great opportunity to look back and start fresh. Yes, I realize how cliché I sound right now. But with all seriousness, 2019 has been one hell of a year.
I’ve learned a lot and some I had to learn while going through a lot of pain and emotions. However, I came out wiser and stronger than before. Again, I know this is cliché. But I do think sometimes it’s necessary to look back just to see how far you’ve come. Because at some point I didn’t think my life could get any worse and now I think, I’m just getting started.
No Job. New Job.
2019 started out with me losing my job because the company I was working for went bankrupt. Not only did I have to figure out my next steps, but I also had the stress of moving. Because this was around the same time I was moving in with my boyfriend. Perfect timing right? Luckily I could get unemployment benefits, but I still needed to find a job. This is probably where the nightmare continued. It was extremely hard to find a job and I started losing hope. I became very wrapped up in my own mind and started isolating myself from everything and everyone. Fast forward to about 3 months later when I found a new job *insert big sigh of relief*.
2019 was the year when I started my fitness journey. I started out really motivated, ready to work on my body and mind. This lasted for about 3 months. I started going less and less until I didn’t go at all. Then guess what happened? I started to feel insecure about my body again. Funny how that works right? Luckily after a few months, I started going again and even started going without my boyfriend. That last part probably doesn’t seem so significant but trust me that was a big step for me.
2019 was also the year when I went on my first family vacation. No not with my family, but with boyfriend’s family. You know when you were younger and you were told to do something and you really didn’t want to do it so threw a tantrum? Well, that was basically me when I realized I couldn’t get out of going on vacation with them. Don’t get me wrong, I like my boyfriend’s family. But going on a vacation with them was a whole different bag of chips. All in all, it wasn’t bad and I learned some new things about myself which is always a good thing.
Lastly, 2019 was also the year where I started to work on my social anxiety. I’ve had social anxiety for over 10 years now. One of the biggest things I couldn’t do because of my anxiety was going to the movies. However, in 2019 I took a subscription for the movies because I was determined to work on it. I was going to the movies, with or without my anxiety. And I am proud to say that I’ve been to 6 movies. That probably doesn’t sound like a lot, but trust me when I say it’s A LOT.
These are just some of my 2019 highlights. Some good, some bad. In the end, it only matters what you do with these moments/experiences. Looking back and having processed it all, I choose to take it all in and take it with me. Because it all adds to the woman, that is unapologetically me. 💪🏽🖤