Today I’m going to share one of my insecurities with you. My weight. Yes I know, typical. I’ll start at the beginning and hopefully, by the end of reading this, you’ve learned something new.

Where It All Started

I’ve been skinny for as long as I can remember. I was a chubby baby, just like most babies are, but I grew out of that pretty quick. I was a normal weight as a toddler and growing up I didn’t seem to gain any unhealthy weight. In my teenage years, the most I weighted was 45 kg (99 lbs). I’m 5 foot 4 so my weight was normal for my height. However, some of my family members always seemed to have something to say about it.

You should probably eat more.

I bet you will gain weight once you get older.

Just wait till you have kids, I’m sure you’ll gain weight then.

Maybe you should see a dietican about you weight, it seems unhealthy.

This and many more comments became normal. At parties, family visits, just about any occasion. Another opportunity for them to comment on my body. And I have to say that where I come from the women tend to be more curvaceous and bigger. But that doesn’t mean anything.

Weight Issues

As I got older the comments seemed to change from me being too skinny to me being perfectly slim. Now all of a sudden they were complimenting my weight. Shit was confusing as fuck. However, this didn’t help my insecurity. As a matter of fact, this only made things worse. I started to believe that I needed to look a certain way in order to gain other people’s approval.

I’m 27 now. And I’m insecure as shit. I don’t weigh 45 kg (99lbs) anymore. Clothes that used to fit me, don’t fit anymore. And I’m out of shape. Am I fat now? No. However, I don’t look the way I wish I did. And not surprisingly? I’m not the only one that sees that. Because now the comments changed yet again.

I’m pretty sure you gained weight, didn’t you?

Oh wow, you gained weight huh?

What have you been eating, because you gained some weight.

Obviously I don’t look the same as I did 10 years ago. I just wish people understood this and stopped commenting on it. Even if I was fat now, who are you to judge me about that? Exactly. But the truth is that it’s much easier said than done. I wish I didn’t care what people said about me. I wish it didn’t bother me. But it does. The thing is, I know I gained weight. I know I’m a bit out of shape. But I don’t need reminders of that. I’m working on it in my own way. In my own time. So maybe instead of saying everything that comes to mind, you should just stay quiet.

Now What?

As we all know this is not what’s going to happen. So now what? Because knowing is one thing, fixing it is a whole other thing. What can I do to feel less insecure? Firstly, I need to be comfortable in my own skin. How do I achieve that? Work towards the body I want, instead of the body they think I should have. Secondly, I need to stop worrying about other people’s opinion. Again, easier said than done. But really, what good will it do me in the end if I keep thinking about their comments? Exactly. Nothing. So, fuck what they said. Yes, I said it. Fuck it. Fuck it all. I’m the one who needs to feel comfortable and proud of myself, no one else. Because in reality, the only opinion that matters is my own. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. And lastly, nothing happens overnight. I need to give myself time to reach my (body) goals and maintain them. Because really it’s not a goal, it’s a lifestyle. I know that sounded cheesy, but it’s true.